The First 'Break-Up'

I think that M put it well in an earlier post: “when you know, you just know.”  This is the point I have arrived at regarding Merlot.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I need to follow my gut.  We went out on a date on Saturday night, classic dinner, Barnes and Noble stroll, and movie.  It was a fine date, however I left the date realizing that this relationship was something that I was not interested in pursuing further.  So, the next step, became the agonizing phone call to tell him.  I knew going into the conversation that he would be pretty upset.  At the risk of sounding vain, I have to say that he was into me. He really liked me and was clear in expressing that, I just did not have that to give in return.  

So, Monday night I bit the bullet and made the call.  I cut right to the chase and like expected, he did not react well.  The conversation lasted about 20 minutes and along the way were the following highlights: “Can we meet to talk about this?” “Can you tell me why?” “I don’t think 4 dates is enough, you didn’t give it enough of a chance.”  I responded to each of his claims/questions with reasons as much as I could without hurting his character. How do you ‘break-up’ with someone with out basically saying that their personality isn’t attractive to you? Uh....  After about 10 minutes I thought that we had made it through the painful experience. He wished me well in life and I did the same for him and said good-bye.  He responded with “wait!”  I waited.  His next question for me was “What are you feeling right now?” UGH! I responded with “Frustrated!”  And for the next 10 minutes we continued discussing why I wasn’t interested anymore.  His biggest frustration with me was the fact that I’m not sure what I want and so how can I know that he isn’t what I want.  I explained that I’m starting this dating journey later in life and trying to figure out what I want and he’s just part of that journey, it’ll happen to me in the future too.  After a lot of apologizing and silent moments we finally bid farewell and I hung up the phone and felt relief to end the saga that was Merlot.

This whole experience has taught me a few important things about what I’m looking for.
1. I want to be excited to see/talk to/text the person that I’m dating.
2. Fear cannot be the #1 emotion I feel when thinking about that person.
3. Kissing me in Crate & Barrel 2 hours into a first date isn’t cool.
4. I am looking for a laid-back guy.
5. I appreciate honesty and good conversation.
6. I don’t like being text-spanked.
7. I like to have my opinions valued, not questioned or ridiculed.
8. It is fun to be pursued.
9. It is fun to be told that you’re cute, but 15 times in a date is overkill.
10. Intensity is too much for me.

So tonight it’s back to winking, emailing, and seeing who I can meet next.  Oh Online Dating, you never cease to provide interesting experiences. -J